I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
