The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
