I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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