did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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