it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
