I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
