Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
