i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I just sharted jello shots
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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