Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
