My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
