How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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