We need to start having sex underwater more often.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
