my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
