why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
