i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
