come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
