i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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