You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
