After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
