You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
