FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
