Say something about gay babies.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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