So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
PANTIES FOUND
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