Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
