Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
