I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
