Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I could fuck to npr.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
