Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
