She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
