Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
