Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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