two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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