New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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