I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
