Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
