DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
