Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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