nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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