Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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