Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
