I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
