I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
