Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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