Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
