idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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