Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
