I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
