theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You made out with two different species that night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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