I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
