I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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