Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
