We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
