My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
