I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
