By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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