So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
