i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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