why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
