come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
