Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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