I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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