she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
