I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
