He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
