I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
