I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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