it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
