I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This baby is an asshole
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
