Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
