Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
