I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
