i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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