It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
