I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize