I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
