i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
