mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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