the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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