Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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