do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
