I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
